I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
