you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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