Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
