The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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