i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
