you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
