So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
