my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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