I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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