the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
