we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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