You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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