I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
