why didn't you poke me back
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
