That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He kissed a someone with a penis
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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