I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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