I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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