He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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