I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
