So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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