dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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