I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
