I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
