OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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