I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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