Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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