somebody snuck up and got me drunk
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
