she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
