oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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