You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
