We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
