pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
