the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I look better un-naked...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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