Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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