I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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