Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize