he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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