I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
