Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i will never coherently bang her
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
