she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You pole danced in your parka.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
