im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
