ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
