I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
