I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
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He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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