It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
