Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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