My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
