I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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