i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she peed on how many people?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
