FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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