real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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