i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
