Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize