I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
