Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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