I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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