I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
