ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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