I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
