remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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