so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
a search helicopter?!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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