I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
