What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I touched a dick in church today
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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