He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
