i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
