i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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